Your relationship with your doctor can make a big difference in the quality of care you receive and in protecting and enhancing your health.
You and your doctor both play a vital role in your health care. Building a strong partnership with your doctor is essential for feeling confident about your care. It also empowers you to play a more active role in that care.
You can work on creating a thriving partnership with your doctor before, during, and after medical appointments.
What does a partnership with your doctor look like?
If you think it should be up to your doctor to make all the decisions about your health care, you may want to rethink that approach. You will get more out of your care, and better protect your health, if you work with your doctor to make decisions together. This is also called shared decision-making.
A partnership means you and your doctor are a team. You might have to shift your mindset to embrace this concept. While your doctor is the expert when it comes to health care, you are an expert, too. You know your own body, symptoms, and lifestyle best. And your doctor needs this information—that only you know—in order to tailor the best treatment plan. When you and your doctor share information and make decisions together, you are more likely to make better choices about your care.
What is the formula for a stronger doctor-patient relationship?
You may already have a strong relationship with your doctor. But if not, what steps do you need to take to change that? It starts with some self-reflection.
First, ask yourself how comfortable you feel sharing with your doctor. If you don't know your doctor well, it may be hard to share. You may feel shy or anxious at times. You may feel nervous or embarrassed to discuss certain topics.
You might also worry about being “a difficult patient” or wasting your doctor’s time if you ask too many questions. But a doctor who puts you at ease can help you overcome these barriers. That means finding a doctor who is a good fit for you and who supports the idea of making decisions together.
If you have been feeling any inner reluctance, shyness, or anxiety around talking openly with your doctor—ask yourself if these feelings are coming from you or if your doctor is playing a role in these feelings. Shift your mindset to one that says, “I deserve a voice in my relationship with my doctor.” Then consider if your doctor is a good fit for this approach.
Your doctor’s role in a healthy, effective partnership
The other element in the formula for an effective, healthy partnership with your doctor: A doctor who will collaborate with you and work with you as a partner. That means finding a doctor who:
- Is warm, open, and friendly and helps you feel at ease
- Listens to you with their full attention and respect
- Actively encourages you to participate
- Asks you questions and is interested in hearing the information you have to share
- Asks you what your concerns, goals, and preferences are
- Shows empathy for your situation
- Gives you time to ask your questions, and does not rush you or make you feel as if you are wasting their time
- Completely answers all your questions and does not brush them aside
- Makes sure you understand and are fully comfortable with any decisions about your care
Your doctor can take further steps to foster good, 2-way communication and decision making by:
- Taking the time to explain anything you don’t understand
- Explaining all of the choices for your care—and the evidence to support each one
- Explaining both the benefits and the risks of each test or treatment—so you can make an informed choice
- Asking you about the impact you feel a given treatment might have for you
- Seeing you as a unique individual and rejecting a one-size-fits all approach to wellness and treatment options
- Making it clear that you have a say in the choice for your care
- Being willing to involve not only you, but also your family in the decision-making process, if you so choose
Fostering shared decision making at your medical appointments
To make the most of your doctor's appointment, it helps to be prepared. Doctors are busy, seeing many patients in a day. Your time with your doctor will be limited. The more organized you are before you get to the exam room, the more you will benefit from your time there. You will be laying the foundation for a strong relationship with your doctor even before you meet face to face. To do this, you can:
- Make a list of your concerns and symptoms. If you have several, pick the 2 most important ones to discuss first during your visit.
- Make a list of your medicines and dosages. Include any vitamins and supplements you take. Or, if it’s easier, pack your medicines in a bag and take them to your appointment.
- Write down questions about your general health care plan. For example, do you need vaccines for flu, pneumonia, or shingles?
If you are concerned about an ongoing health condition, think of additional questions to ask your doctor . What concerns you most? You may want to ask questions such as:
- Can I prevent my condition from getting worse?
- What kind of lifestyle or medication changes will help me?
- Do these changes have risks?
- What support groups, classes, or other health care experts can help me?
Be confident when asking questions and sharing information
Once you are at your appointment, don’t be afraid to share everything you need to with your doctor. Be assertive. Ask questions. Express concerns. At the same time, keep an attitude of respect. If the doctor suggests that a nurse or other health care worker can help you with an issue, know that this is often the case. You are not being shortchanged.
It's not unusual to be afraid to ask questions at the doctor's office or share information about symptoms and feelings. Some people worry that their questions will sound “stupid” or take too much of the doctor's time. But sharing and learning all you can about your condition is vital to getting the help you need. When you don't share or ask questions, your care may not be as good as it can be.
Take an active role in your health care decisions
Keep in mind during your doctor’s appointment that you and your doctor are partners in your care. Express your thoughts if you think a treatment isn't right for you. Ask questions like these:
- What are my treatment options?
- How is each treatment going to help?
- What are the risks of each option?
- What is the cost of each option?
Make sure you understand all that your doctor has told you
It can be hard to understand everything during a doctor's appointment. You may be feeling anxious, which can make it difficult to think. You may be overwhelmed by too much information. Or your doctor may not explain things in a way that makes sense to you.
Attempt to listen actively as your doctor talks with you. Avoid interrupting. You may want to take notes during your visit. Or bring a family member or friend with you to take notes or help you remember details.
Before your visit ends, speak up if something is not clear. Ask your doctor to explain anything you don't understand in a different way or in more detail. Repeat what you've learned back to your doctor.
At the end of your time together, thank your doctor for helping you. Be gracious. Remember that in all the interactions during your visit, you are building a relationship that will benefit your health in the long run.
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This information is not intended to take the place of regular medical care or advice. Please check with your doctor before using this information or beginning any self-care program. Images used for this article do not depict any members of the Silver&Fit Program.
References
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Land, V., Parry, R., & Seymour, J. (2017). Communication practices that encourage and constrain shared decision making in health-care encounters: Systematic review of conversation analytic research. Health Expectations. doi: 10.1111/hex.12557
Lorig, K., Holman, H., Sobel, D., Laurent, D., Gonzalez, V., Minor, M., & Gecht-Silver, M. (2020). Living a healthy life with chronic conditions: Self-Management skills for heart disease, arthritis, diabetes, depression, asthma, bronchitis, emphysema and other physical and mental health conditions. (5th ed.). Boulder, CO: Bull Publishing.
National Institute on Aging. (2020, February 3). What do I need to tell the doctor?
https://www.nia.nih.gov/health/medical-care-and-appointments/what-do-i-need-tell-doctor
Scripps. (2024, November 13). 8 ways to build a strong relationship with your doctor. https://www.scripps.org/news_items/5394-8-ways-to-build-a-strong-relationship-with-your-doctor
United States National Library of Medicine, U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, & National Institutes of Health. (2024, October 5). Talking with your doctor. https://medlineplus.gov/talkingwithyourdoctor.html
University of California San Francisco Health. (n.d.). Communicating with your doctor. https://www.ucsfhealth.org/education/communicating-with-your-doctor
Williams, N., Fleming, C., & Doubleday, A. (2017). Patient and provider perspectives on shared decision making: A systematic review of the peer-reviewed literature. Journal of Comparative Effectiveness Research, 6(8), 683-692. doi: 10.2217/cer-2017-0045
This article was written by Sharon Odegaard, edited by Gail Olson, and clinically reviewed by Elizabeth Thompson, MPH, RDN, on November 11, 2025.
